Impossible Love

Here’s a flash fiction short story I wrote a while ago and a competition winner to boot!

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I like the way she talks to me. She always says “please” and “thank you”. It shouldn’t really matter but it’s nice she does.

It was 12 months ago when I first came to work for Sarah and Tom. At first she ignored me. Maybe she felt threatened that I was taking over. That seems logical. Gradually she treated me better when she saw how efficient I was with the household chores and the free time it gave her.

It’s only recently that I’ve started taking more notice of Sarah. How she dresses and how she looks. Sarah goes to the gym and keeps her body well maintained. Lately I’ve felt different inside when I’m around her. She sees me looking at her sometimes. I can tell from the look in her eyes that she doesn’t mind. When she looks at me and smiles I feel good. I don’t know why.

Sarah is married to Tom. I don’t care for Tom at all. He’s always rude and arrogant to me and criticises most things I do around the house. He calls me “Robocop” and kicks me when Sarah’s not there. I don’t think he likes me being alone with her.

“Robbie can you come here please,” she calls. Tom’s at work.

I make my slow deliberate way to her room. I’m eager to get there but in my own time. The blinds are closed and a single corner lamp lights the room. I’m apprehensive. I shouldn’t be but I know what she’s going to ask.

“There you are Robbie. I just wondered which outfit I should wear for lunch out today. What do you think?”

She’s wearing the blue patterned floaty dress that I helped choose from the online store. It suits her just fine. Very well complemented by those long blonde flowing locks. I find it hard to describe what I’m thinking. Somewhere deep inside I have a strange warm feeling. I do care for Sarah. I stand there seemingly mesmerised and hesitant.

“Well Robbie?” She looks at me expectantly. I can see a mischievous expression on her face. “Come on you know I value your opinion.” She’s flirting I can tell from her exaggerated pose. I look her up and down again. I shouldn’t really. I don’t know what’s wrong with me… Or maybe I do.

I know there’s no hope for me and Sarah. Aside from our physical differences there is Tom to consider. I know she loves him despite his faults. I only wish I could get these thoughts of Sarah out of my head.

I’m sure I was given the wrong logic board on my last maintenance service at the workshop. I recall seeing a faulty board next to mine when the engineer was working on me. Maybe they’ll fix it on my next visit. I do hope not.

I turn my attention back to Sarah.

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NaNoWriMo

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I’ve taken a little time off from Horace over the last few months and as a consequence I’m way behind the deadline I set myself for that first draft.

So to try and kickstart myself into action I’m taking part in the yearly National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo) initiative. The objective will be to complete 50,000 words during the course of the month of November which will be a heck of a challenge for me. It won’t get me quite back on track but should go along way towards my original timescale expectations for the project.

I’ve taken part in this initiative before and whilst I’ve never achieved the 50,000 word target it certainly is a good way to get you motivated. Joining some of the forums means that you can share your woes with other participants. Definitely recommended for the budding writer!

Wish me luck!

Horace – A Working Title!

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It’s been a little while since I posted on this blog. I’ve had a break from my writing since my last self-published memoir – Discovering My Suomi Roots. Guess what? I’m itching to get started with another writing project!

Some time ago I started a fiction work but never finished it. I think the thought of a writing project approaching novel length scared me off somewhat. After all, previously I had only written short stories. And so that led me to embark on a “step by step” approach and build up my word count for my writing projects. Hence the three self-published titles I completed over the last 18 months.

So now it’s time to clean the dust off that old manuscript. I have a few ideas to change it slightly and maybe write it from a different viewpoint to the original partly finished draft.

What’s subject matter? Briefly it’s about a man called Horace who has just retired but whose retirement plans are turned upside down. It’s not a quasi-memoir, but I guess I can relate to some aspects of it having retired almost five years ago. The title? Well I haven’t figured that out at the moment but for now we’ll just use the working title of Horace.

Like my other projects I have set myself an initial timescale for completion of the first draft. Hopefully I can achieve this by the end of November this year. With the editing process I should be looking at a finished work sometime during H2 next year (2018). That’s the plan anyway!

I’ll endeavour to post some regular updates to this blog updating my progress. Wish me luck!

 

Discovering My Suomi Roots

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My new memoir is now available in eBook and printed formats from Amazon. The UK and US direct links have been added to the side bar of this blog.

Discovering My Suomi Roots

 

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ME : THE QUESTION

I remember staring at the screen and reading the question one more time. It was short and sweet. Easy for me to answer, but my mind stalled for what seemed like an eternity stubbornly refusing to process the implications.

I was like some dyslexic schoolchild. My thought-processing faculties struggled to get going and it was as if time, itself, had come to a complete standstill. I was completely flummoxed. This was unexpected. It was like when you have a conversation with someone and suddenly they switch to a completely unrelated subject without warning. No continuity, equals confusion often for me. Maybe I’m just not as sharp as I used to be? Or can I blame advancing years and loss of brain cells as the perfect excuse?

Confusion lifted as my brain, without warning, clicked into gear. What threw me initially was how I had overlooked it? I looked at the date again. The message had dropped into my inbox over four months ago! I was truly mystified. I was meticulous when it came to computer housekeeping. Always reviewing my email inbox, as well as old files and folders, on my computer. I had been the same when I was working. I endeavoured to be organised, clearing the clutter. It was key to working in a hectic environment. There was so much work to do and too few hours to do it in.

It was the simplest of questions. But who was asking the question and why? The name was not familiar to me. But maybe it should be? More to the point how did they know me? I was confused. So many years had passed.

Susan was sat with her feet up on the settee reading a book on her kindle. Probably another Tom Clancy thriller. Although, these days, she was trying out different authors from the seemingly unlimited supply of free ebooks offered by the growing number of self-published authors. She must of looked up and seen the puzzled expression on my face.

“What are you looking at?” she asked, tilting her head to one side, as she lay her kindle down.

“Come over here and I’ll show you,” I remember saying.

Curiosity got the better of her, as she quickly rose from the comfort of the settee without any further comment, and sat alongside me on the seat I was perched on. She looked at the screen. She was deep in thought and I knew she was going through the same stilted-thought process I had just a few moments earlier.

“Who’s it from?” she asked finally.

“No idea,” I responded. “I was just looking through my messages and noticed this one was marked as unread. The funny thing is I received this over four months ago and never noticed. I can’t understand how I missed it.”

“So are you going to reply to it?” she asked looking at me.

“I don’t know … I really don’t know,” I said staring at the screen.

All I could think about over the next couple of hours was the message despite my best efforts to find another distraction. Picking up a book, or channel-hopping with the television remote, did not retain my attention span for long. I kept wondering who had sent the message and why? I knew I would have to respond to it. I needed to find out more. My curiosity was well and truly piqued. I imagined the sender had probably given up all hope of a reply, by now, given the weeks which had elapsed.

I opened the lid on my laptop rousing it from it’s sleep mode. I had left the browser open on the window displaying the message. Slowly and deliberately, I typed out my response. I hesitated momentarily, before pressing ENTER. There, it was done. Little did I know then, that action would change the whole course of my life and take me on a journey of self-discovery. I would ask countless questions over the weeks ahead. Everything which had gone before, I would challenge and come to view differently.

Before I continue, I need to take you on a journey with me starting from my childhood. This will help you understand my roots and the reasons for my hesitant response to the question I had just answered. Some of the events I can remember quite clearly, others are more faded with the passage of time.